Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Randomize
