p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
