You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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