Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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