All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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