For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
