If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Still dying that you shit outside
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
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