Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
