Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
