You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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