I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
