good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I wish life had little blips of pornography
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
