The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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