Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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