It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Buhtt sex?
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
