end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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