Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
