I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
