how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize
