no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I fill condoms, not promises.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
