When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
