at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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