So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
