I think im going to throw up on grandma
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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