Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
