weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
