I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
