Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
