Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Congratulations! We have a period
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