one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
