Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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