Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
