The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
She's the barista slut.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
