I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
