im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
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