I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Randomize
