We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
