why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
