I'm so fucking centered right now
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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