I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
