His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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