you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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