i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
