Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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