I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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