I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
