dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
