hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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