I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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