Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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