I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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