It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
