I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
