I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
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