My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
