the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
