why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
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