Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I'll pretend I don't know she's blind, my morals claimed the back seat in this adventure.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
