Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Randomize