Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
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