why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
