I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
