it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Randomize
