i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Randomize
