theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Watching her eat just hurts me
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
