Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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