When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Randomize
