I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
