You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
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